Updated: 1 hour 8 minutes ago
(Aug. 23) -- In this country, people are taught that if they work hard and play by the rules, they can live the American dream.
However, they might be better off if they were simply taught to be a**holes.
Or so says Chris Illuminati, one of the co-authors of "A**hole-ology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way -- And Getting Away With It" (Adams Media), a manual that probes the average a**hole to find out what makes him or her tick.
In a nutshell, "a**holes" are people who aren't afraid to stick up for themselves. And they know when and where to exercise their a**hole charm.
"Take New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick," Illuminati said by way of example. "If there was an A**hole Hall of Fame, he would be in it. He just took down all of the old Patriots memorabilia as a way of telling his current team, 'That's not you.'
"Now, some people might be concerned that might piss some people off, but it will only piss off the people who want to be Belichick."
Illuminati also points to Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant as a perfect a**hole. "A lot of people don't like him, but 99 percent would want him on their basketball team," he said.
Some a**holes are born that way. Others, like Illuminati himself, have to get in touch with their inner a**hole before they start to succeed.
"Before writing the book, I was always a nice guy who let people walk over me," Illuminati said. "I was always in positions where I did all the work but got none of the credit. I wanted to please others, and I was doing s**t to help others."
That includes what he considers the ultimate act of a wuss: giving up a weekend to help someone move.
However, he has learned the error of his ways, and as a result, gets more respect from his co-workers and even the people on the phone at the cable company.
"I used to be the guy who would call the cable company to complain, but make it seem like they were doing me a favor," he said. "Now, I don't give a s**t whether the guy at Comcast likes me. Same with work. I do freelance, and rather than be happy with what they're giving me, I assert what my terms are."
You've heard fortune favors the bold? Well, Illuminati believes it favors the a**hole. That's why he says beautiful women invariably fall in love with them.
"It's not that women prefer a**holes, but those are the guys who actually make a move without worrying about being rejected," he said.
It's also why most presidents -- including Bill Clinton and George W. Bush -- have a**hole streaks a mile wide, he says.
"When you're president, you can't worry about pleasing everyone," Illuminati said. "So you have to be willing to do what you want and sticking to it regardless of what people think. I think part of Barack Obama's problem in the polls is that he's not willing to be an a-hole. When he was running for office, he seemed to be a great listener, but I think he should have realized that when you're president, you can't listen to everyone and just stuck to what he knew."
As you might expect, not everyone agrees with Illuminati that you have to be an a**hole in order to reach the top.
Zachary Weiner, who has founded both a high-end advertising agency for the luxury products and services market as well as an investor relations firm, says that while it may seem at first glance that many successful people are a**holes, he insists that an annoying personality trait has nothing to do with success.
"'A**hole-ism' is a secondary trait to confidence and ambition," he told AOL News in an e-mail interview. "These are the two main traits of the successful, and when either is taken to the extreme, you will find yourself dealing with an a-hole."
Weiner believes success is a mixture of self-confidence and ambition.
"You can't have success without it," he said. "There are many successful individuals who are also kind and warmhearted. These are the few who have enough ambition and confidence to do well without it having gone to their heads."
Illuminati's theories also get polite dismissal from advice columnist Amy Alkon, author of "I See Rude People: One Woman's Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society" (McGraw-Hill).
Alkon is not against the type of assertiveness that Illuminati claims is the hallmark of the a**hole, but she still believes that kindness toward others has better long-term results than any short-term joy a wannabe jerk may feel at the moment of his bad behavior. And she says science backs her up.
"Evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar studied the neocortex of the brain and discovered that humans can handle about 150 relationships, and after that things fall apart," she said. "Basically, societies are too big for human brains. What keeps people behaving is that it is in our self-interest to be pro-social and willing to help others."
However, she also believes that human beings have an innate ability to determine whether people are doing things because they are genuinely nice or because they're a doormat.
"People can smell a loser," she said. "They can tell if the reason you're doing something is out of a need to be liked or to be genuinely nice."
By the way, Alkon goes to extremes that other polite people don't dare, such as publishing on her blog the name and phone number of a woman who ruined her Starbucks experience by yelling loudly into a cell phone and tracking down telemarketers at their homes, calling to complain and then invoicing them for their time.
"I've made hundreds doing this," Alkon said. "I even won in small-claims court against a firm that sent out a high-priced lawyer to defend their case."
Although Alkon's methods may sound like the work of, well, an a**hole, she emphasizes that she is always polite in her dealings.
"When you stand up for what you believe in, that's not being an a**hole. That's called character," she said.
Illuminati maintains that true a**holes succeed because they go after what they want regardless of what others might think. But Chani Garb, a PR executive in Teaneck, N.J., says that type of approach has diminishing returns.
"There is a huge difference in results when my team and I work for a good CEO," she told AOL News by e-mail. "It's something that I think is subconscious. When we have to work fear-based, it ultimately doesn't work, and my team can't get the same results, and we end up giving up the clients.
"That's why I have personally created a firm policy that we will only work with 'nice' CEOs and 'nice' journalists. It may sound corny, but it works. Many times, we have to say no to clients, but, you know what, we are still doing well. Perhaps in the recession people are so scared they will work for a**holes, but when times are good, no one stays."
Although Illuminati and his co-writers, Steven B. Green and Dennis LaValle, have had to deal with criticisms like these since publishing the book earlier this year, he has taken solace by remembering a famous phrase that seems quite apropos.
"What's that old saying? 'Opinions are like a**holes. Everyone has one.'"
From AolNews published on August 23, 2010
