By Catherine Capozzi, eHow Contributing Writer
Witnessing a friend or significant other with low self-esteem can be painful. Support from loved ones, however, can help him recognize his potential and slowly emerge from his shell. Clinical anxiety expert Reneau Peurifoy explains that low self-esteem is developed from a lack of acceptance or fear of rejection. Through social inclusion and getting to the source of the problem, helping your friend shatter these fears and build his self-esteem is possible.
Instructions
1. Step 1
Include him in social settings. Instead of coddling him by giving him your sole attention at parties and outings, include others in your group. Elicit conversation from him by making statements in groups, like "Matt is an amazing artist. What's the kind of artwork you produce?" Get him engaged in the conversation, particularly on topics which reflect his talents and interests. Keep the group setting small if he is shy. Introduce him to acquaintances who share his interests.
2. Step 2
Engage in activities which show off his talent. If he is skilled in art, ask to paint with him. Throughout the session, ask him for tips on how to improve your own painting. Make self-deprecating jokes about your lack of talent to highlight his. Boost his confidence by highlighting his skills in fields that are different from your own. Doing these activities will show him that his passions are valid, unique and interesting.
3. Step 3
Get to the source of the low self-confidence. If a particular trait or characteristic is the source of the low self-esteem, help your friend overcome it. Listen carefully to any negative remarks he makes to identify the source of the problem. Exercise with your friend if being overweight is the issue. Go shopping with him if his fashion sense is causing him social anxiety. Encourage him gently to talk about any personal issues he is experiencing. Small changes on a seemingly minor issue could lead to greater changes like regained confidence and newly-found self-esteem.
If the source of the problem requires therapy, like physical abuse or addiction, request he go to counseling. Attend meetings with him. Recognize that you are limited in your ability to fix such severe emotional and mental problems. Author of the book "Profiling Your Date" Caroline Fresno explains that depressed men with low self-esteem cannot be "cured" by marriage or anything you as a girlfriend could provide with love and affection. She recommends therapy as the best solution.
4. Step 4
Do not allow excessive negativity. Watch comedies and partake in humorous activities. Curtail his negative statements by countering it with positivity. The Mayo Clinic explains that pinpointing negative thoughts is one of the first steps of overcoming low self-esteem. Do not allow him to make fun of himself or be too somber. If he makes too many statements like, "I'm just not good enough," dismiss it immediately with a no-nonsense response of, "Don't say those things. You're too good for that." By not tolerating these remarks, he will begin to substitute thoughts of negativity with positive ones.
From ehow
